How am I going to spend Eternity?
Why does this question plague me so?
Is it because there IS no life after death, so the question is non-sensical?
Is it because I fear damnation, so it’s going to be a pretty unpleasant experience?
Is it because I lack faith, and cannot imagine endless eons?
No, no and no.
I believe in an afterlife, in fact I believe more accurately in a prelife, because this material mortal coil is but a prelude to a more real life which will be revealed.
I have no fear of “hell”, because G-d’s Grace is all conquering.
I can imagine, “through a glass, darkly”, living in Light for age upon age.
So WHY does the question vex you so much?
This is why – I FEAR BOREDOM.
I fear being boxed into orthodoxy for ever. I fear the rehashing of the known, the perpetuity of the passé. I fear the monotony of the predictable. I fear the dishonoring of the Great Creative Spirit, cast in stone. I fear the droning on of mediocrity, and the eventual drowning in cliché. I fear that we will for ever only use less than 10% of our brain, that we will only ever love a little, give a little and live a little.
I fear Vivaldi in the elevator shaft, being blessed by George Bush, Reverent Lovejoy acknowledging the reality of 1 billion Hindus by saying “That’s super”, E minor guitar chords, having “a nice day”, the pink soma fed to the proletariat in Orwell’s 1984, I fear being rooted to the spot in a pew, I fear being locked in a church away from the soil, the wind, the sky.
Mother, I am filled with fear.
I fear an eternity without passion, without imagination, without generosity, caring, or the joy of the privilege of co-creating with G-d. I fear that I will have to worship for ever in the way I have worshipped during this lifetime.
This fear then is the starting point for a journey to discover a worship worthy of the Creator G-d.
Seal said, “We’ll never survive, unless we get a little crazy, unless we get a little big.”