Power and powerlessness
Lazarus and the Rich man
We were led by Sergio into a reflection on power. Specifically, we considered what we understood it to be, this included wealth, freedom, influence, eloquence, strength, good looks, manipulation, and all the manifestations of outer success.
Then we considered “inner” power, and listed things like dignity, love, authority, non-resistance or passive resistance. We spoke of Ghandi and Jesus, and how the might of empires had no hold on them, for their power lay within. We were reminded that no one can take our inner power away, regardless of changes in circumstances where our outer power is apparently stripped, such as in job loss, divorce, or other times of tragedy.
We then thought about inner and outer power from the male/female perspective, and noted that the real power in families often lay with the women. They have “considerable emotional and relational power” and that the men who had much of the overt power did not de facto rule their homes. Sergio’s notes go on to state: “Masculine power which is seen as direct, structural, functional and logical, while feminine power is intuitive, emotional and indirect”.
It was also pointed out that in trying to understand power, we often confuse roles with uniqueness. Generalising, while women have come to terms with powerlessness, so they have a better balance between their roles and their true identity, men (especially white westerners) are in crisis because their traditional role as “powerful” is under threat, and they are underdeveloped in acquiring inner power.
In small groups we were asked to reflect on our own power:
- was it from a masculine or feminine aspect?
- could we risk operating from the lesser side?
- what is it like to feel powerless?
With respect to the last question, answers included shock, confusion, fragility, and devastation.
This post is part 3 in the series Richard Rohr “From wild man to wise man” with Sergio Milandri of relating.com. The session was held on the 9th November 2009 at Sans Pareil, Hout Bay, South Africa.
Don Rogers said
To follow up on my answer to your question, I have, after pondering it, realized that I grew up in two homes, both dominated by a female power figure. My grandmother (father’s side) was the disciplinarian in the home (I lived there for six years). I was afraid of her, I believe, looking back on it now. My grandfather was a wonderful, quiet, loving man’s man whom I admire to this day even though he died in 1955. In my parent’s home, my Mother was the dominant figure in the home, inspite of the fact that my Dad was a man’s man and taught me all the masculine things that a Texas boy should know. This tells me that enviromental factors do play a significant role in how we view feminine/ masculine roles and our own feminine/masculine sides. You really got me to do some interests thinking here Nic. Thanks, and blessings to you and the guys down south.
Nic Paton said
Don, these are wonderful reflections. I so with you could be here with us. Perhaps you could get hold of the Richard Rohr book and read alongside?
I’ve said it begore but I really admire your journey. Its interesting how the masculine was quiet and yet positive for you while the feminine was overt and fearsome. These sorts of inversions are all part of our crisis.
Marina said
Thanks for posting this, Nic, I was unable to attend Monday’s meeting and I really appreciate your succinct summary.
Nic Paton said
You are welcome Marina, please keep up here and feel free to contribute in any direction.
Peter said
I found the third wild Man to Wise Man session wonderfully challenging and powerfully mind-bending! What did it for me were Sergio’s words just before the group discussions: that we must use our hearts and not our minds – so, we didn’t ask questions, offer advice, analyse words, find solutions and all those good things – we listened and felt and boy, did I feel deeply!
I found it difficult not to immediately ask clarifying questions and jump in and project-manage the solution finding process, but I managed to hold my tongue and listen. In the process I found out a lot about myself – I am a control freak! If I am not in control then I feel edgy and frustrated, this is sad, because I can’t control anything really apart from some of my bodily functions! Thank Sergio and Elizabeth for all your work and thank you to my group for its empathy and honesty.
I am looking forward to the rest of this journey.
Nic Paton said
Hi Peter – your comments are a’flowing!
It was very interesting to just listen, and not advise, or as you say “project manage”. I did not succeed in so doing.
Those of us who are in habits of control, need to do work in the “being” department. I trust you and all of us will make solid inroads to this place of serenity, of co-operation, and of co-creation.
Don Rogers said
Nic- Did I simply miss the title of this particular book written by Richard?
Dom Hone said
Nic, what really was marked for me in the Monday night experience was Sergio’s challenge to listen intuitively, feeling the others pain. I found it difficult at first to feel. As the session moved on, with a little practice I started to feel compassion for my friends in our little group, I became aware of the other. My disappointment at the end was that I did not sustain it beyond the session. I so easily fall back into the old pattern.
Nic Paton said
Hi Don – Richard Rohr’s book is kinda at the bottom of the post, and is “From wild man to wise man”. But maybe its those pesky italics? Hope you can get a copy and read along with us.
Nic Paton said
Dom, you touch on an important thing, and thats becoming disciples in these areas of growth healing and change. Yes in an intentional environment, we can “suspend” our habits, but it take more “practice” to bring new things alive.
Dom Hone said
Some comments from people who attended this nights session:
“It’s hard but better to say ‘I feel’.” anno
“I need to keep expressing my feelings” anno
“How do we help each other to deeper levels of sharing, without asking questions?” anno
“I need to learn to be a good listener.” anno
“I need to wallow in my powerlessness.” anno
“I need to spend more time with my own pain.” anno
“I fear powerlessness.” anno
“Powerlessness feelings is indeed empowering.” anno
“Others walk the same path of inner struggle that I am currently walking.” anno
” It is good to sit with my feelings.” anno
“How do I stay out of my head?” anno
“What about power over myself?” anno
“I need to realise where my true power lies.” anno
“Helped me get in touch with my feelings.” anno
” I realise I have sense of being so different and afraid to express my feelings.” anno
“I realised I need to try to keep out of my head and feel my own pain and and the pain of those around me.” anno
“Being feeling as opposed to thinking.” anno